The Day I'm "Just Waiting Till The Shine Wears Off.."

Dear Diary,




















Betraying the yoga empire that has upgraded my life,
being rude the man who has given me a magazine to run,
letting my devoted students hanging in this time of trial,
leaving, DEVALUING myself and settling for other jobs that pay only 25% of what I usually make monthly,
are not my kind of options. For now..

To date, I have taught 6 classes at the zone this week,
despite my last full-paid salary was in April.

Some of you who read Page N26 The Star today,
might cringe and ask, "I thought you were paid for May, no?"
Take it from me, honey.
NO.

Last Saturday, I was handed RM300 from XX personally and be told, "Just so that you can have a good weekend," which I translated to, "Just so that you can keep your mouth shut and teach for us come Monday."

If you asked me,
being paid RM300 from RM1X,XXX that you are owed,
is an insult.

I will expect some jokers to leave comments such, "Orang bagi RM300 pendahuluan pun tak nak? Tak tau bersyukur betul anak Ahmad ni." Don't worry, you are not me. And you are not the God I thank / pray to and you are not the employer that owes me, so it's OK and I forgive you. Sweating the small stuff now doesn't save my car from getting towed.

Albeit, it sure did feel good teaching again that Monday,
it was heartfelt learning that your students left you an envelope-ful of money and baskets of fruits after the class ended,
and it was embarrassing having to have shed that tears after my first class this week, for I have to eat my own words, "Simply be happy that our body still moves, be grateful that the air and silence we are breathing are still free.."

Thanks to this highly participated blog,
I found myself listed as one of the surviving ' Last 16 ' that still teach without pay,
BUT I DON'T FIND THIS FUNNY ANYMORE
and I don't know how long more can I go on;
keeping a straight face when I am still being lied to,
smiling as I make you do painful twists when I am deeply hurt too,

I don't think it is for long now,
and my patience and 'believe' are wearing thin.




















I am living off this song to feed my spirit now,

Lost! COLDPLAY,
Vida La Vida (2008)

"Just because I'm losing,
Doesn't mean I'm lost,
Doesn't mean I'll stop,
Doesn't mean I will cross.

Just because I'm hurting,
Doesn't mean I'm hurt,
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve,
No better and no worse,

I just got lost,
Every river that I've tried to cross,
And every door I ever tried was locked,
Ooh-Oh,
And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off..

You might be a big fish,
In a little pond,
Doesn't mean you've won,
'Cause along may come,
A bigger one,
And you'll be lost.

Every river that you tried to cross,
Every gun you ever held went off,
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the firing starts,
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off.."

(Lost! accoustic version)