I thank you for all the comments and e-mails sending hugs and wishing me well.
I am really touched that (some of) you actually really care and please do not worry,
I do not have cancer / tumour!
My condition is called hives and just to make you understand
how painful it is and how really ugly it looks,
these were taken half an hour ago.
I have been getting this every night and everyday
for the past six weeks, by the way.
right arm
left arm
thighs
And those are only on areas I can capture and share here.
I am not in my right body, given I'm not in my right mind too,
I'd have shared photos of how the hives look on my face (yes, my eyes and my lips),
at the flesh of my buns and at the meat of boobs!
Believe me,
they are more painful than they look
and they are so itchy the pain feels like blaring fire!
They usually make their appearance from 6 in the evening until I don't know whact time at night because I'd usually be knocked out from two tablets of Benadryl (they don't sell this in Malaysia, I don't know why) I have to take as soon as I'm back home from dinner. On my unlucky days, they'd still be there conquering more surface of my body and if that happens, I'd just have to call it literally a day, at home.
The very last time I suffered from them (before six weeks from today) was almost 10 years ago. Without selling lips service, I swear YOGA played a big part in making them stop haunting my life because I started yoga more than 9 years ago. Alhamdulillah, my hives, my allergy to shellfish and most importantly my asthma, disappeared 6 months after regular practice of yoga starting year 2000.
Some doctors say, hives or allergic reaction come and go in ones life without warnings and goodbyes. They can stay in your body for 2 years and come again 20 years later or visit you for 6 weeks and disturb you again 16 months later.
From Wikipedia, 'hives are frequently caused by allergic reactions, however there are many non-allergic causes. For example, most cases of hives lasting less than six weeks (acute urticaria) are the result of an allergic trigger. Chronic urticaria (hives lasting longer than six weeks) are rarely due to an allergy. The majority of patients with chronic hives have an unknown (idiopathic) cause.'
Since the attack of the hives is very vicious this time around (they appear every night for the past six weeks and their sizes grow bigger this week in particular), I have even gone fully vegetarian for most days of the week.
In case you don't know, I refuse to wear the 'label' vegetarian
because although I gave up meat and chicken 16 months ago
but I still consume eggs, milk and certain seafood for survival.
So since shellfish, eggs and milk are now avoided altogether,
I thought I have eliminated all risk factors and potential allergy
but the hives keep appearing and even more aggresive than when I still consume eggs / milk / seafood!
So thank you yogi Azmi and yogini Lila that pointed,
that's my body's way to show that I have been under unbearable stress.
Flashes of episode of Nip/Tuck Season 1 or 2 where Julia broke out of smiliar rashes
when she was too nervous keeping the secret that Matt is not Sean's,
immediately came to me!
I am not exactly proud to have shared those unsightly pictures and evidence but I still do,
just something for me to know and to not continue living in denial
that I AM NOT STRESSED!
I still have no idea what is it in particular I am stressed about so I am in process of:
1. Eliminating my time spent on worrying things that won't get better unless big money falls from my sky tomorrow, and
2. Reducing time spent with people with really bad energy and with perpetual negative thinking (I wonder why some people hate everything in life and all the other people so much? What have the world done to you to make you this spiteful and if you are not doing the changes to better yourself, don't start trying to stop others that do! Oh yes, I might mean this bracketed line to a certain someone. I know you are reading.)
In the literally mean time,
I endure.
It might be true what they say,
'sakit itu penghapus dosa.'
