The Day Dreams Are Shattered

Dear Diary,

It hurts.
Badly.

I know all of you that have been rooting, VOTING for me are very well devastated too. Some of you might have never met me, but you believed in me, and saw the potential of my dream.

I can't sugar coat it.
I can't hide it my disappointment.
It's too painful.


But these amazing people made me feel slightly if not temporarily better.

They, who stayed up till 5am to make cool banners









My GAY Goonies









My soul sisters









My other boyfriends









SRIKANDI Tun Fatimah that helped me through the battle till the end









and made me feel no less than a celebrity









adidas that helped me personify 'Impossible Is Nothing'













My Red friend









Amazing TV crews that helped make me look good









The zebra is not a 'people', but he does yoga and he hearts me. So, yah..










I thank you again, and again
for coming, for supporting, and all of you who can't make it, who can't be there,
who have been voting, who have been following the show and my journey,
I can never thank you enough.

For as long as I breathe & live yoga,
I can never forget your kindness. I CAN NEVER.

I really needed the 150K to continue.
I was confident that I deserved it the most.
Almost every heart that has a copy of HatiYoga
agrees that it is a very impressive magazine and
it is almost impossible to believe it was compiled and published in less than 3 weeks.

BEING REWARDED with RM150,000 for delivering the best product
and final outcome would have made a BIG difference to help me
continue publishing my baby and living my dream.

BEING TOLD in your face that 'You have all the contacts, all your celebrity friends to help you after this' is not acceptable. It was not my calling that they acknowledge that I am cut for this. It was not my fault to not have to quit my job being The Yoga Instructor for this. My small time celebrity friends (aren't they human like us, too? They are good friends and good people too!) are not gonna give me money to continue this. Things and favours would not come free anymore after this. The writers, the articles, the designers, the photographers, the models, the printing, the VCD shooting and editing would not come cheap anymore after this. I cannot be printing only a 1000 copies after this. HatiYoga can not only be attainable at 5 participating adidas stores after this. Can't believe the judges and other voters did not acknowledge this.

BEING PUNISHED for being too good,
for playing the game too well,
is heartbreaking.






I was not prepared to NOT win this.







I am stuck with almost nothing left.
Only a couple of twenties of my magazine to be used
to beg and plead to advertisers. And THAT would need money too.
I do not have a team, I do not have marketing expertise,
I do not have enough to even continue this: monetary and energy.

It hurts to even walk in the 'office' right now,
seeing traces of shattered dreams plastered all over my walls.

My faith in reality TV, judging and voting system is destroyed,
all over and yet again.

Please understand that
HatiYoga might need longer time
to be at your nearest newstands.

And that I,
might need some time to grieve and recover.

Picture and caption by Ladysoul