The Day I Survived While Trying To Collect Flags On A Constantly Inclining / Declining Platform Craned At The Highest Point Of KL Tower

.I.
.Passed.
.The.
.First.
.Stunt.

Hooray!!

The Week I Hope I Won't Hear "Ninie, you are lucky number one" Nor Be Asked To Eat A Plate Of Raw Fish(eye)balls With Wasabi Or Sambal Belacan

Sri Ayurthaya Medan D'sara: The 'gajah-buat-yoga' I threw my coin at and
it shot right in the small tray under its belly AT MY FIRST TRY!
And I did close my eyes as I prayed hard for my best of chance in FFM
(walaupun patutnya buat sembahyang gajah hajat
daripada dok mintak hajat kat gajah sembahyang :D) .

I'll be off for my Fear Factor Malaysia's shoot tomorrow, with;

- my entire non-Nike, non-Juicy, non-sexy yoga line and workout gear (macam cilaka, bukan nak sponsor!),
- a lucky red Adidas tee I got (from someone special) for my birthday last year,
- a pair of black shorts from my yoga teacher,
- AND my own biggest fears to counter.

Whhoaa, they ryhme!

The Day I Found Out Roadie (The Pink Cyclist) Looks Like Hugh Grant

Come smell like curry with me.

Just this evening, I had a blind date with a cool blogger.
Who brought a date / chaperone (like I was gonna bite you).
Hu-huuuu...

And all of us wore black tops.
We ate, talked, laughed, gossiped and had fun.

No, the cool blogger I met this evening was not Roadie, FYI.

But someone even cooler (if not hotter) and with much sexier butt.
Hu-huuuu..


(BTW, prior to typing and wasting my time to letter the a href link for Roadie's now-defunct blog, I accidentally (mi)spelled it as -Roadiemenary. Hu-huuuu..)

The Day ... (I'll come back with a sensible title)

My 9 year old confession-of-a-teenage-drama-queen sister, Iqin bought this Gol & Gincu VCD from a pasar malam last weekend (regardless the fact that I did bring her to the cinema to watch the movie sometime ago. I'm an adorable, lovely and cool big sister.. I know).

It wasn't until last few days when when I tried to watch it again I realized that;

It's not bloody Fazura (what does Fazura even look like, you might ask) on the cover of the VCD! How could have I missed this? You don't even have to look closely to compare;

Left: The pasar malam version, with a Sharifah Sofea (who the F, you might ask) lookalike doing a Fazura's pose-like, nonetheless the red panty showing and untoned bums baring (yes, you may click on the picture for larger and clearer view).
Right: Original poster.

I mean, who the F has all the time in the world to make a mock out of this? The felon can take all the trouble of copy pasting exact pictures of Ashraf Sinclair (Sareque, go scream!), Sazzy and all but not the lead heroine?

Not only that, the naughty (if not plain stupid) devil also named Nur Fazura, Zahim Albakri and Bernice Chauly as the three main casts, when the two latter played like, two small tiny weeny roles as Sharifah Amani's (who the F, you might ask) incestous father and Fazura's (how does she look like again, you might ask) Datin mother. Not to mention the additional KLCC background in the pirated version which is not even in the original poster.

Wait, who is Bernice Chauly, you ask? (I'd answer, the director's sister laa, dey! Never watch Actor's Studio show aaa y'all?)

Whatever. And whoever ridiculed this (if done intentionally), really has a good, dark, black sense of humor.

Like, really!


Latest news: Iqin has memorized all the lines from this cool local-flick too.

The Day I Found Out I Have A Potential Rival For 'Drama Queen' Title In The Family

Somewhere last week, I found this strange blog-like entry that I didn't write, saved in My Documents.

"Ya tuhan mengapakah ini yang harus aku terima.Inikah namanya kemerdekaan aku dimarah oleh ibu.Aku mahu pergi ke KLCC kerana aku ingin mengibarkan Jalur Gemilang di puncak tertinggi di dunia.Bapa telah cakap kepadaku begini "kalau cabutkan uban abah malam ni abah hantar pergi KLCC". Tapi mengapa dia tak buat apa yang dicakap.

Sampai hati abah buat iqin macam ni abah biar iqin merajuk sorang-sorang dalam bilik lepas tu bukan nak pujuk anak. Abah cakap tarikh lahir iqin sama dengan abah tak pernah melebehkan iqin yang abah tahu suruh iqin cari uban lepastu asyik nak marah iqin suruh iqin kemas bilik. Aku dah cakap dengan semua kawan-kawanku kerana aku ni berlagak,kuat berangan,ego dan sombong.Ya allah patutkah aku cakap begini. Baru tadi ayahku masuk aku ingat ayahku nak memujukku rupa-rupanya menanyekan 'kakak' (this would be me) aku ada dirumah atau tiada. Hati aku betul-betul terluka. Tolonglah aku bagaimana aku nak hilangkan luka di hatiku ini.

Sekian wassalam."

(Note: Published in exact words and order.)

Soon after I discovered this, I printed out a copy and gave it to my dad forcing him to hold a brief family meeting. I read the 'luahan hati' out loud with the most emotional intonation possible and all of us broke into continous half an hour of laughter.

FYI, the writer is my 9-year-old sister, who irons her hair straight every morning using my hair straightening iron before going to school, does crimping and nail colouring on weekends, remembers lines from all Lindsay Lohan movies by heart and dresses like Hilary Duff (don't you think she has a secret blog too?).

They came to a conclusion that, it runs in the family.

I said, "Eh, where gotttttt? I WASN'T like that!"

My mom quickly reminded me how I used to nag my mom to change my hair everytime Feminin changed their hairstlye of a letter I wrote to my dad when I was 11, demanded him to increase my daily allowance from RM1.50 to RM2 if he truly did love me and if I wasn't an adopted daughter.

Analyzing what Iqin writes and watching how she turns out,
I know I wasn't adopted after all.

The Day I Found Out 'Emergency Room' Is Called 'Gawat Darurat' In Bahasa Indonesia.

Posture For The Day: Parsva Bakasana

(Thanks, Asmadi! I don't incorporate religion in my teaching
hence pardon my Sanskrit and all the meditation shit.)

Nicholas Saputra dah gemuk laaa!

I had a good laugh watching Janji Joni yesterday (although it was kinda weird because I went alone but still laughed and had fun like no one's business).

What happened to Nicholas Saputra?

He put on like.. 15 kg, badly tanned, all sweaty and he wore Converse berkulat in the movie.

But he was cool playing it laa. C'mon, he's no longer Rangga all of us fell in love with in Ada Apa Dengan Cinta.

What happened to MY Nicholas Saputra?

Well, he (too) put on like.. 15 kg, lost 5, gained another 10, turned more complicated and (I'm sorry, B. You) had just lost me.

Can he be cool about it? (C'mon) he's still this Nicholas Saputra lookalike, Rangga very-like character and the man I fell in love with almost three years ago but I want things to change, tried my hardest and nothing has seem to (change).

I hope he understands that I need to go and (B, I think) we'd be better and happier without each other.

Sorry for I can't keep my Janji Ninie.

But I promise to always love you. Always.

The Day I Got My Non-Perodua 4WD A Couple of Years Too Early

Pardon my Clementine Kruczynski's crimson red hair.

Those who are close to me know how crazy I am about this Jimmy.

When Gilmore Girls was the coolest show on TV (yeah, this was eons ago), I always told my girlfriends, cousins and whoever watching the show beside me that, "Oh, my gawd! That car is SOOOOO me! That's definitely gonna be my first car" referring to the kind of car Lorelai Gilmore drove.

Even though it's not my first car, although it's not brand new, not to mention it's stering is berat-nak-mampos, nevertheless it's langit dan bumi from a SMART (apatah lagi an XC90. Don't get me started on Hummer and Cayenne..); but it sure is ruthless, tough, vicious, cute and (most importantly) red, just like me.

Thanks Dad, for this advanced birthday present
(but can I still get Astro in my room for my birthday?).
You're the best!

Angah, you can take away my Proton now, bro.

The Day I Can Somehow Sense My Bad Luck Is Going Away

Thailand, July 05 : I can't swim but I sure can float oneee...

Who cares if I can't swim (actually I do) but hey,

I got chosen to be one of the six contestants to compete in one of the episodes of our very own and first Fear Factor Malaysia, y'all!

Yeeeeeeeee haaaa!

You know how they always say, third time is the charm?

1) Lost handphone (bought new, hilang lagi, jumpa).
2) Stolen wallet (walaupun jumpa tapi duit hilang, hilang lagi, jumpa lagi).
3) Newfound $$$$$, maybe.

The shoot for my episode will be somewhere during the last week of this month (you'll know I'm battling my own biggest fear when there'll be no update for a week, ok?) and tv airing date is somewhere between November to December and yes, I'll change my number (and my whole wardrobe) if I do win the RM10000 (since you I can't do much with 10K anyways).

Well, better start kissing my ass soon 'cos I'm gonna kick their asses real good and senyap-senyap make my way to win the money and use it to replenish my entire yoga / workout attire (kindly check your sporting house for latest Adidas workout design from Stella McCartney. Everytime I feel like throwing up, I'll focus on THIS).

(Tp reganya paling kurang pun
RM3++ utk pants paling bodoh)

I think I'm up for almost everything just ermmm, please don't challenge me to stay past midnight to act brave and walk over what's left of Highland Towers and please, please, please let me at least close one eye or shut one ear if they want to make me watch any remake or sequel of Dark Water or Ju-On and the likes. I'll seriously die, mati terkencing dalam ketakutan.

Gotta go folks. Better start eating my sushi-ful of crunchy roaches and ice blended maggots from now.

BRING IT ON!

The Day I...... Lost My Wallet, AGAIN!

Thursday, if not Friday mornings are days I do my weekly pharmacy shopping (*When you know mall's parkings are empty at 11 in the morning*). So, Guardian BSC I was at this morning after having my breakfast at Coffee Bean downstairs with one of my all-time favourite students (R, you might find me here sooner or later anyways) and having booked my haircut appointment at some a-cut -above-throat place upstairs .

I was ready to pay for this bill when..


I realized I didn't f%$king have my wallet with me.


Babi.

And I had plenty of cash with me for my weekly must-buys and curls must-cut. Seriously, PLENTY.

Dengan muka setebal dictionary, I had (no choice but) to politely tell the lady behind the cashier to hold my (well, soon to be MY) stuff for me as I made a quick rundown to check if I had accidentally dropped it in my car.

T-A-K-D-E.

Babi babi babi.

I accelarated off and back to my yoga place to check if, if, if I had carelessly / miracalously left it there. Or under the table, on the RO water machine, in the toilet, under the staircase.

T-A-K-D-E jugak.

Felt like crying.

My tens of hours of talking non-stop, twisting my bones and trying to catch my breath in the same time, Gone In 60 Seconds (sempat buat lawak sekejap).

Images of the honey scented hair mask jar, aromatheraphy refill, bottle tall of Famous Amos cookies smelling cocoa butter, leave-in hair conditioner / treatment, Harper's Bazaar, make-up remover, Hersheys, some heat-activated hair straightening cream, latest toothpaste flavour from Colgate, rose petals + bamboo + honey smelling shampoo that comes with free conditioner (so that my 4-year-old sister doesn't use my special shampoo for badly damaged color treated hair), dgthsksgy, Hthsbhjjsgjewgjk, jdhygjwjjytyhk, hgbaj, ajhuhgkj, thsfusufghybatjh, ikw2nmjf and bhguhjaktgehd that I bought.. well, that I carefully picked, excitedly chose and calculated its discounts over, plus my planned haircut and new color do, slowly vanished into thin air...

(Kindly waste your time and count how many times did I mention the word 'hair' in this post and in earlier paragraph to brace yourself for my next post. )

I think I was doing the slowest drive in my life, merely 15 km/h on my way back to BSC to thicken my face and embrace myself to tell the lady behind the counter what, I didn't have enough money? Like she was gonna believe me if I tell her I had just lost my wallet and I've had bad luck in weeks, that I lost my wallet first week of the month, my handphone the next week, lost my phone again the following week, she'll think I'm the biggest drama queen in Bangsar that I had no choice but to cancel my purchase,

WHEN..

I heard someone screamed, "Akakkkk, tungguuu!!!" ON MY WAY UP on the escalator.

I've lost my spirit to continue living let alone to turn and look at siapa yang cilaka panggil aku Kak pagi-pagi buta yang malang lagi memilukan ini but hesitantly turned after the scream repeated. I saw this one guy (I thought he was an angel with a floating hollow for a split second) in this distinctive mocha brown t-shirt and coffee black cap waving frantically at me as he shoved my blue furry wallet on his other hand.

My wallet! MY BLUE FURRY WALLET!!!

(It's not really furry as in, furry lah kan. But berbulu jenis wool bercampur baldu dalam erti kata Melayu. And it's not really a wallet too. It's more of a coin purse really because my other wallet can't fit into the small bag that I brought to yoga this morning. Why can't I use a bigger bag? Because some bags just don't go with certain outfits like.. hooded terry cloth jacket with matching sweatpants to be exact, ok?)

I did tell you my escalator was going up right? Like it couldn't wait another second, I ran down berlawanan arus dengan escalator yang menghala ke atas, man! Fuck all of you who were laughing staring at me from inside of Dome. I wish you couldn't find your wallet when you were about to pay too.

I haven't really thanked God for a while now and I immediately sighed my utmost 'Alhamdulillah' for my money was allllllll still inside there (it's fucking payday, man) along with my ID (that got displayed on national TV last Sunday) and license (that I suddenly realized, expired three days ago).

"Lain kali, simpan baik-baik ye Kak! Nasib baik akak pagi-pagi selalu breakfast sini, kitorang boleh kenal muka. Tahun lepas pernah tertinggal kunci kereta dekat sini jugak, kan?"

:P